Water

David Bowie applied this technique in his jamming experimentation sessions – to randomly pick a word and get the band members to interpret it their own way. It was a messy but creative process to “jerk” the mind.

Being born and bred in Singapore where order, structure and protocol has always been quixotically ubituous, it’s been difficult for me to deal with an “unstructured” life. 

But life is messy, art is messy, people are messy with multitudes of layers and nuances you’ve got to peel off – some layers are pleasant, others, on the other hand, unexpectedly not so much. But now I’m learning to deal with the mess and refrain from labelling ideas, things and people as theoretical concepts and frameworks and just view things, ideas, people and situations as they reallly are- to let my raw subconscious feelings flow and influence my music, craft and performance, instead of allowing many years of technical classical theories and concepts shape them. 

So I’ll be on hiatus while I deal with the craziness ahead that awaits me ( work, guitar exams, life..) I’ll be back once I feel my craft has finally developed.. 

Cheers 

Geninkmy 

The “I” word

Insecurities 

It’s something that I’ve been struggling with a lot this year – much, much more than I’ve ever really experienced. It’s pretty strange given that a lot of affirmations have been given to me this year yet I fail to “manage” or grapple with my own self-imposed expectations, fears of failure, and lack of self-worth. But perhaps this whole insecure feeling throughout this year, I just realize, is stemmed from the very fact that I’ve “put myself out there” much much more this year.

 

I challenged myself at all corners of my life – professionally, mentally, socially, musically, physically. It’s placed me in really uncomfortable situations and uncharted waters. And for every aspect, I had this Evil “E” word – EXPECTATIONS. Being a perfectionist at everything I pursued since young also crippled my very own self esteem and image (Common, living in a typical stifling “Asian” environment, you had to excel at everything you pursued…).

I parkoured, did up a fitness regime, mustered up enough courage to teach Cathechism (HOW did I manage to do THAT?), started to jam music and publish them publicly, pursue Classical Guitar Grade 8, steer my career into the direction of IT Business Analytics. In all aspects, I was greatly challenged and that led to a burnout every week, every month.

I deeply questioned my “abilities” as a Cathechist, a musician, in parkour, my professional skills, etc. I forgot to embrace the moment, to let God work through me, to work on improve myself bit by bit daily, to simply LIVE and be comfortable with these unfamiliar, exciting new grounds.

But that being said, I think the “I” word – insecurities – aren’t that bad. It means I’m growing, I’m pushing myself, and I’m acknowledging that I’ve got so much more to learn, experience and grow. It’s okay to have insecurities but refrain from becoming them.

So here’s to me. To purse my professional goals, to be a lovely instrument and trust in Him from above, to continually push myself mentally and physically, and to pursue my love and gift of music and spreading joy and laughter to those around me. Here’s to embracing insecurities and expectations yet not getting consumed them.

Cheers, you.

geninkmy aka theguitarchickk

 

RIP Ronald Dyens

RIP Ronald Dyens

Today the classical guitar world mourns the loss of one of its finest guitarists – Ronald Dyens. A dynamic performer and prolific composer of both classical pieces infused with Jazz arrangements and improvisations, Dyens was a musical genius in his own right.

He’s most recognized for his piece “Tango en skai” (1985) which incorporates folk and jazz on the classical guitar and a satirical musical commentary on the leather outfits of the Gauchos in Argentina and Brazil.

On another note (no pun intended..), life is so fragile. Coincidentally, my father spotted his ex-colleague in the obituary this afternoon too. An ex-technician. It dawned upon me what the purpose of our lives are. It has to transient beyond just providing for ourselves, our families and attain worldly riches.

When I started this blog, I admit it was motivated by a very prideful and self-centered aim, to establish myself as someone but what does that even entail – nothing lasts forever in this world (well apart from pollution, politics and corruption…). I had a few waves of “existential crisis” this year wrapped under the guise of my prideful ambitions and inflating my self of worthlessness with my prideful posts and attitude at times. But a dear church friend told me once, and this was re-iterated yesterday during deep prayer and reflection that our gifts all come from God. There isn’t anything to be prideful or ashamed of when we present our gifts to the world.

So. Like Dyens and my dad’s ex-colleague, I will present my talents as gifts to the world – gifts from God and I should feel blessed, honoured and privileged to be an instrument of His gifts.

Thank you, Dyens for your beautiful musical gifts and may you rest in peace. Thank you, my dad’s ex-colleague for touching the lives of those around you. Both your legacies will be carried on through the music, joy and laughter you’ve given to this world.

geninkmy.

On being 24…

On being 24…

This comes a tad late. But yea I turned 24 a few days ago. Finally, I’m no longer labelled as a odd transitory prime-numbered 23-year old.

In retrospect however, 23 was an unexpectedly fruitful, empowering, scary and amazing year for me. After mending a broken heart the previous year, 23 I decided, was the year I was going to finally take control and ownership of my life – no more making excuses for myself, wallowing in my silly self-pity; to fight for the things I want to accomplish; and to be accountable, responsible and follow-through everything (to be a woman of my word and being genuine).

It started off with deciding to fulfill my mission of getting my Grade 8 Classical Guitar Cert.

Then Weekly Swimming and Cycling.

I plucked up the courage to join a church ministry to serve in despite knowing how tough it’d be, not knowing anyone from my parish and not knowing anything about church ministries at all (I left when I was 15 but slowly “integrated” when I was 19).

I took up parkour. Finally.

I met passionate, talented and positive people (M, D, J who are awesome guitarists/singers/drummers) and reconnected with old friends who’ve graduated from uni overseas. Became closer with awesome, genuine, smart colleagues as well who I now consider as great friends. Albeit I’ve had to part with a few close friends who decided to venture abroad I know we’ll still keep in touch and help each other out through the good times and bad. 🙂 I got rid of negative nuggets who brought out the demons in me.

It was a challenging, stressful and interesting year that forced me to face and deal with my inner demons; empowered me with many valuable opportunities to develop myself professionally, spiritually and musically; made me realize that I’m stronger than I really think I am.

The moment I turned 24, I knew “I’ve got this”. My life is beautiful despite all that’s happened and I wouldn’t be who I am without the risks I’ve taken, the mistakes I’ve made, the people I’ve met, the challenges I’ve trudged through and the God I’ve always struggled to understand and love.

The road ahead will not be easy. So I’m gonna list down some lessons I’ve learnt the past year that have kept me going. And I just hope that perhaps it’d touch someone our there.

  1. Surround yourself with loving, passionate and positive people who challenge you yet love you the way you are.
  2. Make “friends” with your insecurities. In fact, embrace them!
  3. It’s okay to be not okay.
  4. Aim for growth, not perfection.
  5. Aim to give a little piece of heaven to everyone.
  6. Give no f*** and take no shit from people.
  7. Seek ye first the Kingdom of God.

Looking at the road ahead, I guess I gotta work on feeling worthy, embracing my gifts and continue being courageous :).

But lastly, I’m very thankful for the amazing family I have for sticking through this year with me and for shaping me into the young lady I am. You’re all flawed and human but that’s what makes each and every one of you so beautiful – that despite your flaws and missteps you continue trudging through everything that comes your way.

cheers.

And Happy 24th to me!

-geninkmy aka theguitarchickk

 

Repeated patterns 

I guess if we look closely, we tend to fall into repeated patterns. 

At least I do.

Maybe it’s a queer, unhealthy way of giving ourselves a second chance to make a different decision, to redeem ourselves from the previous failures of our lives. 

But that only puts us at risk of re-opening wounds we’ve become so adept at numbing and completely ignoring. 

Part of me wants to be comforted by the fact that this time I mustered up enough courage to walk away from a similar situation. But another tells me what an imbecile I am for revisiting and courting the same danger -even my instincts were screaming in my ear to get outtt… 

We’ll never know. Maybe certain things happen for a reason. 

Thanks for reading, stranger. Life goes on. 

Geninkmy aka theguitarchickk